“Before moving into the area of public victory, we should remember that effective interdependence can only be built on a foundation of true independence. Private Victory precedes Public Victory.”
“Self-mastery and self-discipline are the foundation of good relationships with others.”
“There’s no way to parachute into this terrain. The landscape ahead is covered with the fragments of broken relationships of people who have tried. They’ve tried to jump into effective relationships without the maturity, the strength of character, to maintain them.”
“The most important ingredient we put into any relationship is not what we say or what we do, but what we are. “
“And if our words and our actions come from superficial human relations techniques (the Personality Ethic) rather than from our own inner core (the Character Ethic), others will sense that duplicity.”
“We can often live for years with the chronic pain of our lack of vision, leadership or management in our personal lives. We feel vaguely uneasy and uncomfortable and occasionally take steps to ease the pain, at least for a time. Because the pain is chronic, we get used to it, we learn to live with it. “
“But when we have problems in our interactions with other people, we’re very aware of acute pain—it’s often intense, and we want it to go away. That’s when we try to treat the symptoms with quick fixes and techniques—the Band-Aids of the Personality Ethic. “
“We don’t understand that the acute pain is an outgrowth of the deeper, chronic problem.
And until we stop treating the symptoms and start treating the problem, our efforts will only bring counterproductive results. We will only be successful at obscuring the chronic pain even more.”
“Let’s go back to our earlier definition of effectiveness. We’ve said it’s the P/PC balance, the fundamental concept in the story of the goose and the golden eggs. “
“In an interdependent situation, the golden eggs are the effectiveness, the wonderful synergy, the results created by open communication and positive interaction with others.
“And to get those eggs on a regular basis, we need to take care of the goose. We need to create and care for the relationships that make those results realities.”